they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
