when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
