My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
