But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
