I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We are all done wearing pants today
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize