remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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