I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I supernannyed him into submission
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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