i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
