ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
