I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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