i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
