All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
