Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
