I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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