when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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