Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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