he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
