Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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