soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
