Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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