Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
