The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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