Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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