three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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