Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She bit a glass in half.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
