After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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