I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
