U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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