My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
