Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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