listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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