Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
