you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm like, not good at living.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
