I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
