i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
