I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
