I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
