Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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