Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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