God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
