My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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