We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
