So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
