A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
