Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
