when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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