there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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