sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
