Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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