Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
