nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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