Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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