i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
