Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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