so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
