the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
