The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
