I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize