He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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