It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
