My nipple is on Facebook.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
