we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
