i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
