Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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