we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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