we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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