I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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