You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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