Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
