you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
