$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
