You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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