Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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