Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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