..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
