cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
