im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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