my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
