Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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