is your mom at the bar?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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