hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
