k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
