I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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