Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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