if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I've blown a few things in my day
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
