a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
