put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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