Is it because I queefed?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
