the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
