pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
