the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
