I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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