just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
