Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
