he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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