my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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