I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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