I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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