Got a toothbrush?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
