I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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