my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize