So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
