Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
