i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
