Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
