Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
