operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
