I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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