They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
