You can't special order awesome
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize