Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
