he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
