I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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