Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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