Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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