there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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