My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
