he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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