Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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